drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
