I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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