Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
