He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
