Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
