I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
