she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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