i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
