i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
