My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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