i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
