I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
