but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
