Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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