Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
