Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
