I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Randomize
