oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
