Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
