porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
