dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
