barbara walters just said penis...
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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