A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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