the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Randomize
