My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
