He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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