New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
