I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
