I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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