i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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