Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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