The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
COCAINE IS GR8
I deserve this hangover.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
