Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
