You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
