so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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