beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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