I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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