I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
