I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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