trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
