he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
