he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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