take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
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