I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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