Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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