remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
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