This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
