I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
