you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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