my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Randomize
