i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
