Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
it was like his penis was on wheels.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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