The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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