hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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